I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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