Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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