escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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