worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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