Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
