What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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