Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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