i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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