I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
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