she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize