Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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