you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
