You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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