3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
