Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize