Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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