Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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