It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I met the friendliest cop last night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
