Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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