Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
