that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
