Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
