The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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