I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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