I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
