he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
