dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
