My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
