ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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