I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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