you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
