An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
