I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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