So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
