the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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