So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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