If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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