He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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