I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just cropdusted the office
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize