Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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