This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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