Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
