You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
