I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
