my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
