the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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