If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
