Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
