You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
