walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
