Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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