so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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