Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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