ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
