You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
