69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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