Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
