i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
