Sponge bath it is.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
