my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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