Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
