we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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