I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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