My liver just broke up with me...
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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