i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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