It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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