my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
