i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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