She's JV to your varsity
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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