You smell like a Billy Joel song
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
