so explain again why im purple
no
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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