the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
