Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
