he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
