We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
