just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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