Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
