He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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