We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
