I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
