I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
