like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
