so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
