champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We have started to decorate penises.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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