dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
