i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
