Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
