And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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