Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
