I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
