moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
