Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
