It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
