She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize