You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
