You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
420 ftw
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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