and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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