Pappa wants mamma naked
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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