I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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