i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want to make out with him forever
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
