So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
