my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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