Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
