omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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