I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
