yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
