I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
