She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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